Amusing Brits

D uring the Ashes series, I came across some real gems from the CricInfo commentary team. I wanted to share these classics for the sheer British sense of humour, have a read.

On day 1 of the final test, the commentary team announced the as follows.
If you have work to do, children to take to school, groceries to buy or a cat to kick, then you could swallow the loser's pill and do just that. Or, you could be one of life's winners: sack the wife, expel the husband, shoot the boss and eBay your children: this is where you should be for the next five days.

And followed that up on day 2 with
So, we're nearly ready. Put down the brown bag; empty the mind wok and stop your blue-sky thinking. It's Friday - you never work on a Friday - so sit back and refresh like the cricket-crazy thugs you all are.

Finally, the statistical nightmare that I was referring to in my earlier post is nicely captured in the article When the numbers didn't add up.

The Ashes 2009: Final Test @ The Oval – Hats off to England!!

E ngland regained the Ashes by comprehensively defeating the Australians in the last test played at the Oval and they deserve all the accolades and the celebrations. As a unit they stood up and ensured that the test match and the series was won against the form book. More importantly, at the key moments in the game when it called for raising the intensity and creating an opening they were the ones who did that. So Strauss’s role in the victory cannot be underestimated.

This series is a statistician’s nightmare. Consider this. Australia has 8 centuries against 2 for England. The top three wicket takers are all Australians. Yet in the final analysis the Ashes remain with the English team. This is because Australians failed on three key occasions and all of them made a huge difference to the outcome of the series.

First, the final session the first test match. The Australians had the victory in their pocket with the last pair batting. But they did not force the play. They should have used pace and got Monty out, but he hung on and defended the pedestrian spin bowling thrown at him. They lost a golden opportunity to go 1-0 up in the series.

Then at Lord’s it was the magical spell from Freddie that spelt doom for them. That one session was enough for them to lose the test match.

And finally, the Chris Broad’s spell on Day 2 of the final test, provided England a match winning lead. To their credit, England batsmen also batted sensibly in the second innings and put up a total to take ‘win’ out of Australia’s reach.

Apart from these key sessions, I think the English team played with a lot of maturity and purpose. They too had their middle order batting problems, but they managed to create a wall around it. Jonathan Trott is an excellent find and showed lots of commitment and solid temperament. He has a great future ahead of him. It is not easy to make a debut in a high voltage test match like this and that too against the chirpy Australians. England created heroes out of regular players.

Australian selectors made a mess of the team selection and the touring party also failed to read the wickets. The result was that they lacked penetrating bowlers and did not have the usual strong batting lineup that one would expect.

In the aftermath of the analysis, one comment that caught my attention was about the lack multi-racial multi-cultural representation on the Australian team. They must evaluate that option considering what the SA has done successfully. If one also connects this story with the racial attacks on Indian students, somewhere down the back of the mind this also raises a question as to whether the Australian culture is indeed multi-racial.

With that I wrap up this coverage on the Ashes. Watch out for my notes as things develop down under when the post mortem truly begins.

Headingley Fire Alarm Theories

There are some interesting stories around the fire alarm that went off in the England team hotel on the night before the first day. One theory is that an australian supporter staying in the same hotel intentionally set the alarm off to create nuisance. There is also another explanation which mentions that a lady guest staying in the same hotel had washed her lingerie in the wash basin and left it to dry near the light bulb. The heat from the light bulb was sufficient to make the clothes warm enough to generate smoke. Take your pick on which story you want to believe. :)

The Ashes 2009: Fourth Test Headingley

A nnihilation. That is the exact one word that describes the fourth test of this series. Australia came into the match and showed their intent from the very first over while England seemed to have lost the game in their minds before it began. They had no plan, showed no gumption for a fight and were unimaginative.

Partly, I think Strauss had a bit too much on his mind after winning the toss. In the morning there was the mishap involving Matt Prior and that unsettled his concentration and they also had to deal with the absence of Andrew Flintoff. What followed was a quick search for a replacement wicket keeper which was nullified after Prior recovered quickly from the back spasms. So after winning a good toss, when Strauss walked on the crease to open the innings his mind was cluttered. He should have been out on the first ball but was spared by Billy Bowden. But he failed to capitalize on that life and England collapsed for 102 in their first innings. Australia, in reply, were clinical and amassed 445 runs thus gaining a match winning 343 runs lead. As I write this, England are 8 wickets down in their second innings and are looking down the barrel. I think Australia will go into the final test with lots of positives and quite a few players from their team who were struggling have gained in confidence. England on the other hand have no clue with the absence of their biggies like Flintoff and Pietersen. They have nobody to rally around and Strauss looks like a completely detached uninspiring skipper when in this mode.

A couple of notes on Australian team selection. First Stuart Clark has made his presence felt in this match. I think he and Shane Watson are two people who are out of favour with Ponting and he selected both of them very grudgingly. Both of them proved their mettle. Secondly, I think on a dry looking wicket Ponting gambled and selected an all pace attack and that did pay off.

All eyes on the final test now. I had predicted a 2-1 series when it began but did not know which team would win it. I think I do now. It is going to be 2-1 Australia.

The Ashes 2009: Third Test Edgbaston

W eather was the winner in this test match from day one. It had rained heavily prior to the test match and there were theories of spongy pudding like outfield. Ricky Ponting was not going to be fooled by all that talk after the mistake he committed on the last tour here. He decided to look at the pitch and then take the call. Five clear days of good weather were almost impossible and in my mind Ponting should have gambled a bit to wrestle some initiative. He did not and in the end England collected all the brownie points from this test match.

First of all Australia did not play to win if you ask me. Their team selection was almost defensive and short of imagination. Mitchell Johnson is having a wretched form on this tour and this was a perfect opportunity to try and give some match exposure to Stuart Clark. He is steady, does not leak runs and has been taking wickets when fit. But Ponting decided to keep faith in Johnson who again continued to bowl an erratic line. He compounded his woes by picking up an altercation with some English batsmen and that is not going to win him friends on the boundary line. He is going to be targeted by the spectators and it is an uphill task for him to come back on this tour. Ponting gambled and selected Shane Watson and that gamble paid off. He scored valuable runs in both innings. But if you think about it, this is almost a slap in the face for the selectors. They had backed Hughes and not even selected a reserve opening batsman and here you have the captain dropping their trusted opener after 4 innings.

This Australian squad is also very soft in their minds possibly due to the ban on sledging from CA. As Tim de Lisle describes in his article they are England in disguise. A possible reason is that they are themselves not very sure about their chances and that reflects in the on-field behavior. That is why you have Mr. Cricket who is so bloody confused that he leaves a perfect delivery only to be clean bowled. The hay days of their ruthless supremacy seem to be over. Let us wait and watch what happens in the rest of the series. But I would put my money on England for they have shown some courage and have fought well.

PS: There are reports that after he was clean bowled by Swann in the second innings, Ricky Ponting smashed the door in the dressing room.