The Ashes 2010 : On the lighter side

I happened to be passing through London Heathrow when the Aussies were getting butchered at Adelaide. You got to hand it to the British press and their sense of humour. The articles they write even when the home team is not doing well are quite humorous and tongue in cheek. I read one such article in The Mail and the author took jibes at Simon Katich getting a duck. So he went on to describe the various types of ducks in cricket. According to him a batsman gets a Golden Duck when he gets out on the first ball that he faces. That is a well known term.

What Katich got was a Platinum duck according to him, because he was at the non striker’s end and was run out without facing a ball. Then the author stretched his imagination and said that the highest honour as far as the anniversaries are concerned is the Granite Anniversary, which is celebrated after 90 years. So what would be a Granite duck?

Well, here it goes. The umpire calls the start of the innings and the two openers start walking out of the dressing room. As they take the stairs to walk down, one of the batsmen drops his pants and they get entangled in his shoes. As a result of this, he starts tumbling down and injures his leg. As he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the masonry work from the roof falls on his head and he has to be rushed to the hospital for treatment. The umpires in the mean time declare him timed out. That my friends is a Granite Duck, because the player did not even come on the field. Great isn’t it?

Of all the folks who have got out under such silly circumstances, I can only think of Inzy to be a good candidate for a Granite Duck.

Amusing Brits

D uring the Ashes series, I came across some real gems from the CricInfo commentary team. I wanted to share these classics for the sheer British sense of humour, have a read.

On day 1 of the final test, the commentary team announced the as follows.
If you have work to do, children to take to school, groceries to buy or a cat to kick, then you could swallow the loser's pill and do just that. Or, you could be one of life's winners: sack the wife, expel the husband, shoot the boss and eBay your children: this is where you should be for the next five days.

And followed that up on day 2 with
So, we're nearly ready. Put down the brown bag; empty the mind wok and stop your blue-sky thinking. It's Friday - you never work on a Friday - so sit back and refresh like the cricket-crazy thugs you all are.

Finally, the statistical nightmare that I was referring to in my earlier post is nicely captured in the article When the numbers didn't add up.

Christmas Gifts

I was thinking what I would gift the various players if I were Santa this year. Here is my list:

1. Virender Sehwag: Just a wish that he continues to be himself.


2. Gautam Gambhir: Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. After he finishes reading the book he can share that with the umpires and then pass it on to the Australian cricket team as his gift to them.


3. Gautam Gambhir (Again); 3 free lessons in shadow boxing from a reputed gym in Delhi.


4. Rahul Dravid; A bag of cement. The wall needs repairs. May be a tour of Bangladesh would be the right tonic he needs.


5. Sachin Tendulkar: Well he is God himself. I would wish for 10 more centuries from him next year.


6. VVS Laxman: Nitro-powered batting shoes.


7. M S Dhoni: He has got all his wishes fulfilled. A movie date with Deepika Padukone is the only thing I can think of.


8. Yuvraj Singh: Since MSD is going with Deepika Padukone, he can go with Ranbir Kapoor.


9. Bhajji: A week’s stay in Bangalore sharing the room with EAS Prasanna to discuss merits of flighting the ball.


10. Zaheer Khan: A few smiles. He needs to pick a handful of opponents to fight not the entire team.


11. Batsmen facing Zaheer Khan: A mirror vision so that they can counter the reverse swing.


12. Ishant Sharma: A free treatment at Berkowitz. He looks awful in that short hair cut and his bowling has suffered too. Look at the number of no balls he bowled recently.


13. Amit Mishra: A tread mill.


14. Munaf Patel & R P Singh: They get a license to start a tea stall near CST station. They have carried the drinks quite regularly and that practice should help them.


15. Sreesanth: Who is he? Let us give him a television acting contract so that he stays away from cricket.


16. Ricky Ponting: He almost needs a dedicated Santa with so many gifts coming his way.

• Hair and Nail extensions: So that he has more to chew on in tense situations he is getting in regularly.


• Stock of moisturizer: Stop using the spit Ricky.


• A weekend date with Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson to thank them for Sydney.


• A group photo with Bhajji, Symmo and Hayden in the same frame and smiling for a change.


• Eleven players who can win a test match for him.

17. Mathew Hayden: An autographed picture of Harbhajan Singh.

18. Andrew Symonds: Free lessons to learn Punjabi language.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays !!